really Early News and Reviews

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B.A. Stoner, heir to the massive StoneAgers fortune, tells Man Cave Weekly: 

 "B. A. Clan-folk vow to find easier way to move new wheel! 

Me come fro..."

We interrupt this interview  to bring you  an urgent  Public Service Announcement:

Don't be like B.A. Stoner and be the last one to hear about a great new thing on the market that can really benefit you!  Like the wheel, there are many benefits to Adiós! Mo Skitos!  The oils in AMS  are good for you, the Earth and  the Oceans...you know, Mother Nature. 

So the next time the bugs come running to get you,  be prepared by picking up some Adiós! Mo Skitos!  and tackle that uphill battle naturally.  

Disclaimer:  B.A. Stoner had a prescription...allegedly.  

Above:  Ancient cave drawing of a stand out Cro-Magnon baby, OneBrow-BoneSac,  from the Te-Keill-Ya tribe.  Lil' BoneSac went on to become a pioneer in the early jock strap industry and the first Magnon to survive the rock-oriented, 45 second  brow- separation surgery.  

 Unfortunately, without Lil' BoneSac's DNA, we can never be 100% sure of his descendants.  What's rocking the scientific community is solid evidence, from their own eyes,  that this cave drawing proves, without a doubt, that Guillermo Rodriguez,  late-night darling on the Jimmy Kimmel Live! show, could very well be one of the last direct  descendant of the late, great OneBrow-BoneSac! 

Could Guillermo be able to answer mankind's oldest questions about the origins of mankind? 

In other words, could Guillermo Rodriguez actually be... The Missing Link?  

If you could ask Guillermo one question about the origins of man,  what would it be?  How they hunted?  How they cooked and ate?   What was considered "a shot" back in the day? Did he ever see a  dinosaur?  Did they have limes back then? Or any burning questions you may have.   Send those questions through our contact form and we will try to get them in the right hands.

"In old time, Thug  drag screaming Clan-folk to tar pit and dip Clan-folk to kill Mo Skitos and stop itching. That no work fast.  One dip in hot tar and no more Mo Skitos, but no more Clan-folk? Then Thug try clubbing Mo Skitos.  Now broken up Clan-folk no get up no more from clubbing Mo Skitos?   Thug say what give?  

Then Thug join new clan with magic potion and Thug now know Thug no have to kill something just to make it go 'way.  Now Thug can just kill for good time.

Thug just spray magic potion on Clan-folk and no more tiny Mo Skitos drinking  Clan-folk juice. 

  Thug say,  "Adiós! Mo Skitos! you good, so no club for you."

(Above:  Thug. Widely known as the first suspect.)

Facinating history right?  But aren't we all really just Clan-folk?  So why not learn  what all  of our ancestors  learned from Thug..."you don't need to kill something to make it go away. "

Get your Clan-folks some Adiós! Mo Skitos! and just tell Mo to go!

"Hey future Magnons, Garguvarg  here to give  loud shout out to Adiós! Mo Skitos!   Thanks AMS,  Garguvarg no longer have to  "walk off" Malaria . 

"Joegruùl used to burn fur off feet and body sitting close to fire to keep bugs off Joegruùl. 

Now Joegruùl just spray Adiós! Mo Skitos! on Joegruùl furry body and Joegruúl cook outside cave and keep  fur for cold time. "

(Sadly, Joegruúl, or as some called him,  "Smoky Joe",  was taken from us way too early after his tooth whitening potion got too close to the fire.)

"Gofergoa have to drag  'tired hunter'

back to cave after much 'hunting.' Hunter alway "fall asleep" outside caves  that trade grog. Hunter get lumpy bumps on pelt and starts scratching like the dog that he is after a 'hunt'. 

Gofergoa cover bites with mud to stop blood  and itching but Gofergoa fed up with muddy cave.

Now,  Gofergoa just spray hunter with Adiós! Mo Skitos!   before  'hunt' and Gofergoa can drag home clean hunter for another no-meat mammoth stew."

-Hungry Cavewoman with Clean Cave