"Best mo Skitos potion since fire"-Paleo Joe
ATTENTION:
The following statements are chiselings found on an ancient stone tablet experts believe to be part of a long-lost diary from an exceptional specimen of a Cro-Magnon known only to historians as Paleo Joe.
Paleo Joe is said to be the original godfather of the Soprano clan but, unfortunately and as planned, there are no witnesses. Legend has it Paleo Joe and his crew, the Bro-Magnons, waged an epic war on the notorious Mo Skitos Band and the No-See-Ums Swarm because of what we've all learned throughout the ages, nobody steals from a Soprano...not even a mosquito.
Experts believe the image on the right is an early self-portrait Paleo Joe carved of himself right after he lost his first arm in a freak Megalodon encounter off of Ocracoke Island. Local lore is that he was swimming back to Hatteras with a load of supplies for his clan when the Megladon hit. Joe fought the MEG off and locals recount he "single-handedly" made that same treacherous trip many more times before his untimely death.
Below are Paleo Joe's Chiselings as translated by experts:
"Too many moons Mo Skitos and No-See-Ums hang on Paleo Joe like cheap pelt. Like Paleo Joe not have it bad enough with those two pirates, now come new pirate that always seem to stick to Paleo Joe where sun no shine after Paleo Joe go out on hunt. Paleo Joe call him, 'Thirsty Freckle That Grows.'
Paleo Joe had enough, too long pirates roam earth, stealing blood and causing death. Don't even get Paleo Joe started on how Mo Skitos ruin outdoor activities...and everything outdoor activity for Paleo Joe."
Paleo Joe chiseled on:
"Chisel my grunts! Paleo Joe not leave this flat earth for sky life before Paleo Joe coax magic potion out of Mother Nature that rid Mo Skito from my pelt! Paleo Joe vow to help clan members and future Cro-Magnons to rid all pelts of these bloody pirates! Paleo Joe call it Adiós! Mo Skitos! Reminder to Mo Skitos clan how Paleo Joe and the Bro-Magnons took down bloody Mo Skitos and his crew in battle of Mammoth Hill."
Joe ends his historic chiselings with a haunting statement, as if he knew the difference Adiós! Mo Skitos! would make on future Cro-Magnons who would inherit the earth...even if it was flat.
Paleo Joe's last chisel:
"Adiós! Mo Skitos! be real game-changer when come to Mo Skitos war. Paleo Joe is proud one-arm warrior. Now Paleo Joe can leave cave and now Paleo Joe not 'game.'
You're welcome,
-Paleo Joe
May 13, 63,000 B.C."
***SAD UPDATE:
Ironically, just days after he finalized his Adiós! Mo Skito! potion, Paleo Joe stepped out of his cave and got mauled to death by a Sabertooth that boldly took off with Paleo Joe's other arm and sadly, that dang cat pried away his good club, too!
Paleo Joe was a hero to humanity, a real Renaissance Cro-Magnon long before the Renaissance. He remained true to his personal motto to the bitter end:
"I give club when you pry from my cold, dead paw".
Chilling, isn't it?
Over the centuries, heated debates have led experts to finally identify "Thirsty Freckle That Grows" as the common tick. They also determined after finding several artifacts in the Nag's Head area that Mammoth Hill was actually located where Jockey's Ridge stands today.
In honor of Grand Paleo Joe 001, another StoneAger from Hatteras Island has re-created Grandfather Joe's lost recipe for his all-natural, plant-based elixer that not only repels pesky insects, it is actually really good for your skin. So if you are looking for the best Mo Skitos and No-See-Ums repellent that seems like it's been around since the beginning of time -look no further!
We decendants of Joe spend so much money and time planning our vacations and our outdoor activities, why not go that extra step to ensure that our families squeeze out every minute of what Mother Nature has to offer without literally...being eaten alive?
Did you know:
- Mosquitos and no-see-ums are actually members of the fly family?
-Mosquitos have not changed in size in over 200 million years? Many insects were much larger back in the day due to the oxygen levels being much higher on Earth back then. For instance, the common dragonfly had a wing span the size of a Sharp Shinned Hawk.
